To Sail Beyond the Sunset
"Maureen...you'll be a preacher's wife yet" "Oh, God, father, I'd rather be a whore." "The two are not incompatible"Maureen Johnson talking with her father Ira
"Unnumbered: "Promises must be kept, especially ones made to children. So think three times before making one. In case of tiniest doubt, don't promise."" Maureen Johnson's Commandment
1.Thou shalt pay public homage to the god favored by the local majority without giggling or even smiling behind your hand."Maureen Johnson's Commandments
10.Why is there a rule against coveting your neighbors wife, but not a word against coveting your neighbor's husband?"Maureen Johnson's Commandment
11.Don't get caught." Maureen Johnson's Commandment
14."Thou shalt keep thy secret places as clean as a boiled egg, lest thou stink in church." Maureen Johnson's Commandments
2.Thou shalt not make any graven image of a sort that could annoy the powers that be, especially Mrs. Grundy" Maureen Johnson's Commandment
3.Thou shalt not takethe name of the Lord God in vain...which means don't swear, not even Jiminy or Golly or Darn, or use any of those four letter words, or anything that Mother might consider vulgar." Maureen Johnson's Commandment
4.Go to church on Sundays. Smile and be pleasant but don't be too smarmily a hypocrite...support the church by deeds and money, but not too conspicuously.Maureen Johnson's Commandment
5.Honor thy father and mother where anyone can see you. But once you leave home, live your own life. Don't let them lead you around by the nose." Maureen Johnson's Commandment
6.Thou shalt not commit murder, murder is killing someone wrongly. Other forms of killing come in several flavors and each sort must be analyzed." Maureen Johnson's Commandment
7.Thou shalt not get caught commiting adultery...and that means don't get pregnant, don't catch a social disease, don't let Mrs. Grundy even suspect you, and don't let your spouse find out ...[ or ] tell your husband what is biting you, ask his permission, ask for his help, ask him to stand jigger for you."Maureen Johnson's Commandment
8.Thou shalt not steal. "I couldn't improve that one, Father" "Would you steal to feed a baby? [There are] other exceptions... but it is a good general rule."Maureen Johnson's Commandment
9.Don't tell lies that could hurt other people, but since you can't guess ahead of time what harm you lies may do, the safe rule is to not tell them at all. I do have one special case. Don't tell fibs to Mother lest thy mouth be washed out with lye soap." Maureen Johnson's Commandment
I am so totally every minute a set of female glands and organs, that I can cope with it only by carefully simulating the sort of "lady" approved by Mrs. Grundy and Queen Victoria. Maureen Johnson
I did think out most of my rules ahead of time and then wrote them down in my private journal.Father had warned me that I had no moral sense; therefore it would be necessary to anticipate decisions I would have to make. I could not depend on that little voice of conscience to guide me on an ad hoc basis; I did not have that little voice. Therefore I would have to reason things out ahead of time, forming rules of conduct somewhat like the Ten Comandments, only more so, and without the glaring defects of an ancient tribal code intended only for babaric herdsmen.Maureen Johnson
I need not have worried about being naked; no one seemed to notice...which irked me. Gentlemen should at least leer. And a wolf whistle or other applause would not be out of place. Anything less makes a woman feel unsure of herself.Maureen Johnson
In a society in which it is a mortal offense to be different from your neighbors your only escape is never to let them find out."Maureen Johnson
Men are more timid than we are; sometimes the only way you can get one to move is by placing him in sharpest competition with another male.Maureen Johnson
No intelligent man has any respect for an unjust law. He simply follows the eleventh commandment. Brian Smith "Gratitude": An imaginary emotion that rewards an imaginary behavior, "altruism." Both imaginaries are false faces for selfishness, which is a real and honest emotion.Maureen Johnson
The Ten Commandments are for lame brains. The first five are solely for the benefit of the priests and the powers that be; the second five are half truths, neither complete nor adequate.Ira Johnson
Unnumbered: ""Thou shalt not let thy children see thee cry."Maureen Johnson's Commandment
Unnumbered: "Open thy mouth, only if thou planneth to open thy limbs"Maureen Johnson's Commandment
Unnumbered: "Thou shalt always live within thy household allowance."Maureen Johnson's Commandment
When I was still quite young my father said to me, "My beloved daughter, you are an amoral little wretch. I know this, because you take after me; your mind works just the way mine does. If you are not to be destroyed by your lack, you must work out a practical code of your own and live by it."
I thought about his words and felt warm and good inside. "Amoral little wretch-" Father knew me so well.
"What code should I follow, Father?"
"You have to pick your own."Maureen Long quoting her father Ira Johnson
While the rest of the human race are descended from monkeys, redheads derive from cats.Samuel Clemens
Widows are far better than brides. They don't tell, they won't yell, they don't swell, they rarely smell, and they're grateful as hell. -Ira Johnson What this world needs more of is loving: sweaty, friendly and unashamed.Maureen Johnson